Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
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Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fans have left.
Q: What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?
A: A sunken chest with no booty!
Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.
Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of them and he immediately fell to the ground clutching his hands together in his groin, and rolled around in obvious agony.
The woman rushed over and immediately began to apologize "Please allow me to help, I'm a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'll allow me" she told him."
"Oh no I'll be all right, I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man replied, still lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
Following her persistence however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them at his sides, she loosened his trousers and put her hand inside.
She administered tender and skillful massage for several long moments and then asked "How does that feel?"
He replied "It feels fabulous, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
A pirate walks into a bar and sits down.
The bartender walks over to him and says "Hey, I couldn't help but notice when you walked in.
Is that a steering wheel hung between your legs?"
"Aye!" replied the pirate, "And it's drivin' me nuts!"
Why are old socks good for golf?
Because they have eighteen holes.
Q: What do pirates wear in the winter?
A: Long Johns!
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.