Genie: I will grant you two wishes.
Guy: two? It's always three, right?
Genie: look at your crotch.
Guy: Damn, that's a huge dick that I have now.
Genie: I've been doing this for centuries. I know my business.
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.
I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"
He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".
I'm like happy meal.
"Coz you are small and pretty?"
"No, coz I always c*m with a toy inside.
A: "What is your biggest fear?"
B: "Being forgotten, what's yours?"
B: "Hello"
B: "?"
Vote:
We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom."
Wife: I want to donate my clothes to people who are starving.
Husband: Anyone who fits into your clothes is surely not starving.
"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal.
"Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.
You know when donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking?
That's what it's like having kids.
Nobody is born cool. Except of course, dead babies.
"Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"
"No"
"So, it was you!"
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