Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
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A guy walks into a store.
He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand.
In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap.
He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."
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An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office.
The doctor asked the man for a blood, urine and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, "What?"
The doctor said, "I need a blood, urine and feces sample."
The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, "Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear."
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Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?
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I just recently discovered that there is a national holiday named after Atheism. April FOOLS day. Like this story in the name of Jesus.
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Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a
Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."
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Paint a bar of soap completely with clear nail polish so it won't suds up.
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One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top.
She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel.
Then a little girl came running up to her.
"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."
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Remove the shower head and place a chicken bouillon cube in it, then put the head back on.
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What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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