Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
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A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."
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Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’?
A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
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When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
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Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic.
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Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
A: Santa comes down the chimney.
Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner?
So they can take bubble baths.
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What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
The Hanger.
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What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
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When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough.
Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'
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Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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