Why did the Irishman give up internet shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
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E-mail returned to sender, insufficient voltage.
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I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a nun?
A computer that won’t go down.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!
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Me: Siri, why am I alone?
Siri: *opens front facing camera*
Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking bitches!
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What do Scientists have for snacks?
Micro-chips.