Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault.
We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt.
I reached over and pulled it out.
That's when she hit me!"
"Johnny," the father said.
"You don't do those kind of things to women."
Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault.
There we were in church saying our prayers.
We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt.
Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.
Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Employee: "Hi welcome to McDonald's what can I get you today."
Little Johnny: "Can I get some McWater, A McNumber10, and a McCoke."
Employee: "Sir you know you don't have to put Mc in front of anything you order."
Little Johnny: "Ok I just really like Donald's."
Employee: "Sir its McDonald's."
Little Johnny: "Ma'am you don't have to put Mc in front of everything."
Vote:
Joke has 64.21 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food, little Johnny
The teacher was asking the end of the day question that she asks every Friday.
If the student got it right they would not have to go to school on Monday.
Little Johnny Was determined to answer correctly.
So he painted two black marbles black and rolled them to the teachers feet.
All of a sudden she Shouted out, "Who's the commedian with the black balls?".
Johnny shouted out, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday suckas!".
Vote:
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday.
But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn't a sign of it in the bathroom.
Little Johnny asked his Grandma, "Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?"
"Darling, I really didn't like it. After all those years, I've gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy."
Vote:
Little Johnny was watching TV with his mother.
Johnny: "Why is this tampon commercial so long?"
Mother: "This is my favorite show called 90210."
Johnny: ...
Vote:
One day the teacher was asking the class about there weekends.
She asked sue, "how was your weekend?"
"Good."
Then little Johnny waved his hand "me, me, me."
Finally giving in said, "what did you do this weekend?"
"I rode in my wagon pulled by my dog and hit a steep hill. The wagon started going faster than the dog and the handle went up his ass."
"Rectum is the word you're looking for," she says.
"Rectum," said Johnny, "da man near killed him."
Vote:
Joke has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, dog, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.
“Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Johnny says, “Yeah!”
Vote:
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"
Vote:
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of s*x education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo.
But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of s*x education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher.
"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.
"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
Finally, little Johnny raises his hand.
With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.
"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns."
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"
"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
Vote:
Johny's curriculum vitae:
1. Full name: John
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named as Redwing and the lizard named as Notail
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John
Vote:
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
Vote: