I follow CIA on Twitter just so they can see how it feels.
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As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step.
Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically:
"Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently.
"I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant.
The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!"
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
An Indian soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy?
You just join the Indian army, and you already want a 3-day pass?
You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in a Pakistani tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the Border.
As I saw a Pakistani tank. I put my white flag up, the Pakistani tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Pakistani soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach?
No, you should do it on a computer.
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Chuck Norris's e-mail adress is Yahoo@ChuckNorris.com
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If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won't be able to find you.
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Facebook: "My kids are perfect."
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?"
My simple answer is:
It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.