Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
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Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
Vote:
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
Vote:
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly?
A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.
Santa Claus goes to the mall to sit on Chuck Norris' lap.
Vote:
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.