Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely?
A: Playing Frisbee.
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Why are old socks good for golf?
Because they have eighteen holes.
I play the worlds most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
"Siri, why am I still single?"
Siri activates front camera.
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What’s the hardest thing about learning to ice skate?
The ice.
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
My girlfriend told me that will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?"
The baby bear replied, "No he beats me."
The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear!
The baby bear said, "No she beats me too."
The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?"
The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.
Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs...
"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?"
"What"
"We're both ugly!"
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
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