Joke #11680

Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.

What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation: 1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate. 2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?" 3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence." 4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can. 5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence. 6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence. 7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time. 8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.

One night my mother in law came to our home. In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC. She farted. I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"

Q: What's a terrorists favorite American football team? A: The New York Jets.

At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny's class. Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad. To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him. "Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military. The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military. The Marine Corps is a cult. The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'." So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?" Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation. Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other." By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did. "What did you do in the military, dad?" "Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."

Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"

Q: What's long and hard on a blackman? A: The first grade.

Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

The teacher said to the children: "In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep left behind?" "None", little Jim say. "None?" says the teacher surprised. "Jim, you’re clueless in math." "And you, misses, are clueless in sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the other will follow as well!"

Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.