Joke #11677

Q: What do you call money that grows on trees? A: Marijuana

You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.

Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

Yo Momma so stupid, she thought seaweed is something fish smoke.

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."

A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you." "In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife." "Yes, I do have a wife." "And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater." Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar. He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?" Bubba says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed-eater?" "No." "Then you're a queer."

There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game. At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!" The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect." All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5." She answers and says "20". Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance." So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2." The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"

Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."

Yo mama so poor that when I stepped on a cigarette she said "who turned off the heat?"