Joke #11636

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.

A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him. The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample." The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!

Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.

Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar? A: A calendar has dates.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.

'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."

The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."