Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
A: Why, shortbread of course!
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One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
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Q: What does a gay order in a Chinese restaurant?
A: Sum Yung Gi.
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Chuck Norris can make a pound cake with only an ounce.
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Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey.
He chews bees...
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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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