What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
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The scene is a dark jungle.
Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front.
The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey!
Cut it out, all right!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front.
The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front.
The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
What do you call Satan and a lawyer?
Twins!
A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
Vote:
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Vote:
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.
"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.