Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common?
A: They just didn't listen
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Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?
A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
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Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
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What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy twat!
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What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree?
Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.
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What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea?
One's a cunning runt.
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How come there aren't that many jokes about Jim Jones?
The punchlines are too long.
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
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Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort.
Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.
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Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sexual encounter.
The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 blow-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed.
Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time".
The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right.
After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left.
Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"?
John said, "I think she was dead".
John said, "How was yours"?
Bill said, "I think she was a witch".
John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"?
Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."
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