Q: Why are politicians like diapers?
A: Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
Q: Wanna hear a joke?
A: Women's Rights.
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park.
But In the end, it doesn't even matter.
Always borrow money from a pessimist.
He won't expect it back.
Los Angeles Homeless...
Homeless people here are different.
You ever notice that?
Our homeless people are serious, man.
They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
Chuck can use "save" in real life.
But he doesn't need it.
Vote:
A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas.
They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately.
The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job.
Suddenly the piolot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert.
Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around.
Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."