Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. 
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA.
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This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet.
Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.
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Chuck Norris can punch your thoughts and give you a headache.
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Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.
They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
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You see, masturbation is so unpredictable.
I just go up and down.
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While talking to girl:
"Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?"
"No, what?"
"Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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