A rich man and a poor man were sitting at a bar having a few drinks and they got chatting. after a while they realise both of there wedding anniverserys are the next day.
Poor man, "What did you get your wife for her wedding anniversery?"
Rich man, "I got her a pink farrari and a diamond ring."
Poor man, "What made you choose those gifts?"
Rich man, "She loves fast cars and I wasnt sure about the ring so if she doesnt like it, she can take it back in her new car... "
The poor, "Man nodds in agreement."
Rich man, "What did you get your wife?"
Poor man, "I got my wife a pair of cheep slippers and a dildo."
Rich man, "Why did you choose those gifts?"
Poor man, " Well if she doesnt like the slippers she can go f*uck herself."
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A: Oooh - Henry!
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A: Dude, your dick is hanging out.
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Two men were shipwrecked on an island.
They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone.
The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders.
The chief walks to the men and says, "What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?"
The first man thinks for a second and replies, "I choose Boogaloo".
The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant "boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo".
The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up.
The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, "You must choose, Death or Boogaloo?"
The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, "I choose death."
The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, "Death by boogaloo!!!"
A boy watches his mum and dad having s*x he ask, "What are you doing ?"
His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!"
Boy say, "Do her d*ggy style I want a puppy."
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That’s not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
A cow and a horse were galloping around a curve opposite to.
They landed in each other.
Who was wrong?
The cow, it didn't blow its horn.
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday.
Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles.
At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.
Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin".
BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs:
"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?'
He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said,
'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."