Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.
She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "if I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
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Three blondes witness a crime so they go to the police station to identify the suspect.
The police chief shows them the first mug shot.
"That's not him," the first blonde states.
"This man only has one eye."
The chief is stunned.
"He only has one eye because it's a profile shot."
He repeats the procedure for the second blonde.
"That's not him.This man only has one ear," she answers.
He smacks his head.
"It's a profile shot."
He repeats the procedure for the third blonde.
After viewing the photo, she says, "That's not him. This man is wearing contact lenses."
"How do you know that?"
"Well," she says, "he can't wear glasses with only one eye and one ear, now can he?"
Two blondes were repairing a roof, with one working on one side and one on the other.
After a while, one blonde noticed that her friend would carefully examine each nail before hammering it down, but half of the time she would toss the nail behind her after examining it.
Figuring that there couldn't be that many bad nails, she yelled out to her friend: "Why are you tossing out all those nails?"
"Well, those were all pointing the wrong way!" was the response.
Infuriated, the first blonde bellowed "You, idiot! Those are for my side of the roof!!"
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Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said, "You know,it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the other blonde replies, "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."
A blonde goes into a kitchen store and says to an assistant "Can i buy that TV please?"
The assistant says "Sorry we don't serve blondes."
So the blonde goes out and gets her hair dyed and then comes back and says, "Excuse me can i buy that TV please?" and the assistant says "No, because we still know who you are."
So the blonde goes out and gets plastic surgery.
She then comes back and says
"Excuse me, can I buy that TV please?" and the assistant says, "No, because it's a microwave!"
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Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
A blonde women is sitting in her garage, alone, with a gun to her head.
She is depressed and finally decides that she just can't live anymore.
Then, her husband comes home, finds her with the gun and begs her not to do it.
"Please, honey, don't do it, i'll do anything you want, but please, don't kill yourself!" he pleads.
"Shut up! your next!" the blonde says.
Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house".
A: Where's the stairs.
Q. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A. Frosted Flakes.
The Boyfriend says to his blonde girlfriend, "Look!
A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up in the sky and says "Where?"