I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
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Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup."
Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger!
Beware of Dog’.
He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor.
‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper.
‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper.
‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
What do you call a dumb bunny?
A hare brain.
YOUR MOMS HOUSE IS SO POOR I WENT TO KNOCK ON HER DOOR AND A ROACH TRIPPED ME AND A RAT TOOK MY WALET.
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Q: What is a duck's favorite TV show?
A: The feather forecast!