When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide.
When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
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Chuck Norris saved 100% on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
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Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
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When Chuck Norris say it's hot, people sweat.
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Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph.
Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
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Chuck Norris once kicked Hulk in the face, so Hulk ran into the woods.
He is now known as Shrek.
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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross.
Just never his own.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
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Chuck Norris one checked the Library of Congress for typos during his lunch hour.
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People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.
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When Jeronimo jumps out of an airplane, he yells: "CHUUUUCCCKKK NNNNOOOORRRIIIISSSSSS!"
When Chuck Norris jumps out of an airplane, he yells: "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
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