Joke #3452

One day little Bill was playing in the sand out of the sun underneath his front steps. Soon his mother walked up the steps without underwear due to the heat of the day and little Bill looked up and yelled out, ''Mother, what's that black thing that you're carrying under your dress?'' ''Don't worry, Bill, it's just a squirrel,'' she said. So little Bill kept on playing, and soon his grandmother came along, also without underwear, and little Bill looked up and said, ''Grammie what is that hairy animal under your dress?'' ''Ah, it's a squirrel,'' she answered. So little Bill asked his grandmother, ''Why is it that your squirrel is grey intead of black?'' The grandmother replied, ''If your mother's squirrel had popped the nuts that this one has popped, it would be gray too.''

What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."

Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet? A:To stamp out fires. Q:Why do elephants have flat feet? A:To stamp out burning ducks

A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner. The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount. The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street. Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard. Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!" The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".

Why do moths fly with their legs open? Cause they've got huge mothballs!

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

What newspaper do cows read? The Daily Moos.

What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter? Deviled eggs.

Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."