When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
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When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
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Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
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Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for presents.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
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Chuck Norris solved Unsolved Mysteries.
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Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him... the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife.
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Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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The burning bush that Moses spoke of was actually Chuck Norris's beard!
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Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
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