Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it.
Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
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There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath.
Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!
What is it?
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.
What is it?
The answer is: "A Last Name..."
You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore?
A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
One day little Jonny was at his house asleep until he heard his parents arguing and his mom called the dad a "bastard" and the dad called the mom a "bitch".
So little Jonny asked, "dad what does bitch and bastard mean?"
Then his dad said it meant "ladies and gentlemen."
So the next day little Jonny was upstairs in his room until he heard his mom moaning.
He walked into their room and the mom said "feel my titties" and the dad said "choke on my dick".
Little Jonny asked, "dad what does titties and dicks mean?"
So his dad said "coats and jackets."
Then it was Thanksgiving and they were having family over for the day and Little Jonny went upstairs and heard his dad say "shit!"
Because he had cut himself.
And Little Jonny said, "dad what does shit mean?"
So his dad said "it means wiping shaving cream off my face."
So little Jonny went back downstairs and his mom was in the kitchen stuffing a turkey and she yelled: "fuck!"
So little Jonny asked, "what does fuck mean?"
And she said "stuffing the turkey."
Then the doorbell rang, and Little Jonny opened the door and said: "hello bitches and bastards put your titties and dicks on the coat racket, my dads, upstairs wiping the shit off his face and my moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
Vote:
Joke has 69.07 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, Thanksgiving, vulgar
I discovered that I'd spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store's "Feel the Comfort" sticker stuck to my body.
More humiliating?
It was attached to my left breast.
Why do women fart after they take a piss?
Because they can't shake it, so they blow dry it.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
Little Sally came home from school with a proud smile on her face.
She told her mum, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today."
Before mum could raise a concern sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut..."
With a secret smile mum asked, "Was it really small?"
Sally replied, "No... really salty!"