Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
A: Why, shortbread of course!
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One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
Q: Why won't Easter eggs go out at night?
A: They don't want to get "beat up".
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny."
Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says.
“Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods…
“I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.
Q: What kind of money do elves use?
A: Jingle bills!
Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal."
Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."