Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
Vote:
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."