Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race.
One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds."
The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record."
So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."
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Did you hear about the hopeless athlete?
He ran a bath and came in second.
Fan: "I see you won a silver medal at the Olympics. What's it for?¨"
Athlete: "It's for telling knock knock jokes."
Fan: "And what's that gold medal for?"
Athlete: "For stopping."
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A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.
Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.
When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.
He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Shazam!
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
Shazam!
Instantly he turned 93 years old.
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
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The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
Why did the bald man take up running?
To get some fresh 'air.