What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
(Try saying that fast!)
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Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
What did the cow wear to the football game?
A Jersey.
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
Vote:
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot.
He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.
What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper !
Q: How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart?
A: Because he's an egghead.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."