"May I buy half a rabbit?"
"No, we don't split hares."
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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin.
Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
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What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one.
The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?"
The assistant says, "$2000."
The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive.
The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast."
"What about the green one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes."
"What about the red one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "That one's $10,000."
The man says, "What does HE do?"
The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?"
Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
A stinkasaurus.
What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?
The Lizard of Oz.